Monday, February 8, 2010


I am in a bad mood. I don't know why, it could be this never ending pregnancy or the fact that I have been confined to a bed for the last few weeks. Whatever it is, I am in a crappy mood. When I am in a crappy mood, I find that making a list of things that bother me always makes me feel better. You should try it. Here is today's list:

1. My neighbor who wheels his garbage can in each time at 1:00 AM. You suck. You wake me up each time and then I can't get back to sleep for 3 hours. I don't like you.

2. Who ever said that ear infections can be solved by getting tubes in your ears, you were wrong. My 3 year old has tubes and a new ear infection.

3. My neighbor. He is getting ready to ride his bike. I can see him through the window. He is walking his bike down the driveway and wearing a bright yellow helmet.

4. My giant stomach. Yes, I know I am the vessel for a new life, but I am done being a vessel. I want my life back. I want to eat a normal meal, I want to sleep, I want to see my feet, I want to be minus a chin, I want to stop waddling. Enough is enough. Just come out already.

5. Anyone who asks me if I have had the baby yet. Really? I bet I will let you know. I have bitched up a storm so far, you don't think you are going to miss my bitching about being in labor, do you?

6. A certain friend who is turning 30 in 2 weeks.. She gets to celebrate it in jeans and a cute shirt. She gets to drink. She gets to say good bye to her 20's by looking hot and being drunk. I wore sweatpants and went crazy and had coffee with breakfast. I asked her to not celebrate as a way to honor our friendship. She declined.

7. Anyone who asks what we are naming the baby. We don't know. We don't agree on anything. We might not name it. I already named 2 kids, maybe I am fresh out of names.

8. Men. I am sick of men saying they know how I feel because their wives have been pregnant. No, sorry buddy, you have no idea how I feel. You might be fat, but that fat doesn't kick you in the ribs all day. You can still drink beer. You WILL NEVER know what it feels like to push a child out of you. You will never know what it feels like to not be able to sleep on your stomach. I don't say I know what it feels like to be a guy because I saw my husband get hit in the balls once. I assume I would need balls to really understand. Just like you need a uterus to really get the pregnancy thing.

9. Anyone who doesn't get that Liz is short for Elizabeth. Are you that stupid? Why, when I say "this is Liz" do you say "oh, sorry, I was looking for Elizabeth"? What do you think Liz is short for? Lizard? Lizzle? It is short for ELIZabeth you idiot. Next time, I am going to tell you that you have the wrong number.

10. Real Estate Agents. I don't really need to elaborate but 90% of them are not smart. See #9 above, that happens to me at least 5 times a day and only by real estate agents. I am sure my neighbor is a real estate agent.

Wow, I feel better already. :)