Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Adventures of Bed Rest - day 1

Things I have learned so far while on bedrest:

1. Cosmo is not for married almost 30 year olds with 2.7 kids. Did you know that almost everything I own is on the "not" list. Who knew that ladylike boots were a "not" and that if you wear delicate jewlery you are not cool. Cosmo is written for 30 year old women (I am hoping 20 year olds aren't so jaded yet) who are single, live in a big city, have glamourous jobs and sleep with new men every week while making sure they are up on the lastest how to's for curling their hair, applying lip gloss and wearing 4 inch heels. It depressed me. Am I really that old? Why can't I make even 1 article in Cosmo apply to me????

2. www.textsfromlastnight.com is really, really funny but also really scary. People really drink and mess around this much and then text about it? I am so boring.

3. If you want to know what you might look like at 50, depressed and 50 lbs overweight, do the following:
1. Get pregnant
2. Make it to 30 weeks so you are large and in charge
3. Be forced on bedrest and don't shower for a few days
4. Get pumped with a lot of fluids so your face looks really bloated and your eyes are nothing more than slits.
5. Stare at yourself in the mirror for 10 minutes, cry a little
I have no doubt in my mind that this could be me in 20 years if I don't watch it....

4. Facebook is really boring. I guess if you have 600 friends, it might be more entertaining, but when you have 8 friends and they all have better things to do during the day then update their statuses every 10 minutes, it kind of makes you feel like a loser that you DON'T have anything better to do.

5. Just when you think life can't suck any more for the next 5 weeks, you get news that your 3 year old needs his tonsils and adenoids out and tubes in his ears. Needs to be done within the next 2 weeks.

6. Other people on bedrest are boring.

7. Don't eat soup in bed without a tray. It gets really messy and now I smell like soup.

8. Smelling like soup is not OK unless you are 85. Especially when you can't shower all that often.

9. I am smarter than 1/2 the people on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Having delusional ideas about going on said show and actually looking into it makes me an idiot but took up some time, so that was good.

10. The Kindle is the most awesome invention ever but I get so overwhelmed by all of the book choices only a click away that I eventually feel that I pick the wrong book and then dwell on my bad choice for too long and then start a horrible cycle of self doubting that ends with chocolate.

11. The Jersey Shore show on MTV makes me happy and that makes me worried.

Till tomorrow my friends, till tomorrow!