July was a blur. Had my first dr. appt. The best part about being pregnant that I haven’t mentioned yet???? We don’t have maternity insurance. Why would we? We weren’t planning this! We don’t need no stinking maternity insurance! Having a baby is expensive. Having a baby without insurance is ridiculously expensive. At the doctor’s office I fill out the paperwork and see the dr. She is shocked to see us. Thanks Doc! I am shocked too! I think I might have started crying. I look at Mike, he looks at me in horror. ‘Don’t Cry, the dr. might think you are unfit to be a mother’ he seems to be saying with the look in his eyes. Maybe that is the point, I think to myself. She asks me all the regular questions; she seems to think I am fit to be a mother. We go to the ultrasound room. Without insurance the luster of the US room isn’t as great. They can’t find a heartbeat. Super. Now I am a horrible person who didn’t want this baby and willed it to be gone. I start crying again. Mike is really confused by my emotional issues. Dr. tells us it is probably too early for a heartbeat. We will do some blood work and come back in 10 days.
Bloodwork results come back the next day. My numbers are low. Not really low, but kinda low. The best part is that this apparently doesn’t really mean much as numbers can be all over the board. What it does mean is that I have to take medicine to help my numbers and repeat blood work and US. I spend an entire week sick from the medicine and convinced I am evil and the baby never took shape because of my attitude.