Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A rant or two..

Yes, I did say I was going to update this blog a few times a week... Yes, I am still pregnant. No, I am not going to catch you up on the last 2 months. They weren't very exciting, just me being miserable and sick.

Now. A list...

What I miss about being not pregnant:
1. My jeans - I don't have great clothes, but I have great jeans. I know it is ridiculous, but I look forward to fall like you wouldn't believe. Jeans and heels and cute shirts. There is nothing better. Now, I have one pair of maternity jeans from Old Navy and a stubborn streak in me that won't let me buy any jeans unless they are of the premium kind. Mike won't allow me to spend money on the nice maternity jeans. Bastard.

2. Alcohol - I am not an alcoholic. I do though enjoy a glass of wine or a vodka every now and then. I most enjoy it when out with Mike for dinner. There is something awful about ordering a Shirley Temple when all the other adults order crown and cokes. Call me selfish, it's OK. I am. I won't drink when I am pregnant, but I can miss it!

Is it bad that these are the two things I miss the most? I mean, I miss a lot of other things too, like sushi, sleeping on my stomach and playing with my kids more, but the jeans and wine take the top spots this week. Especially since my 10th wedding anniversary is in 2 days and I can’t look hot in jeans or drink to the memories with my dear husband…

What I hate when I am pregnant:

1. Non-pregnant people - All of you. I don't care if you are my best friend. I hate you right now.

2. Skinny pictures of me - Especially if I am wearing my nice jeans or holding a drink.

3. People who are overly excited around pregnant people - Really, stop giggling and staring at my stomach, I promise it is less baby and mostly fat at this point. Yes, I am pregnant. I know, a shocker, now, can we get back to our day?

4. My mother - Now, I don't really hate her, but she has the energy of a f-ing bat on speed and it gets on my nerves. I used to be that person damn it! I used to be able to do laundry and grocery shop all in one day. She makes me feel like a lazy slug. She does help out though which negates most of the resentment, but still, must she wake up at 4:00 am and talk so fast?

5. My inability to get Botox - I have never had botox, but I think I need it. I am terrified that this 9 month hiatus from beauty routines will set me back so far on the anti-aging front that I will look 40 by next March. I am obsessed with Botox. I am sure I need it. I hate wanting something I can't have.

6. Vacations – See, I love to vacation. LOVE IT. I was going to learn to ski in Tahoe this winter and scuba dive in the Caribbean this spring. I had plans. Now, I am going to take the kids on the Polar Express train this winter and birth a child this spring. Sure, that will all be fun, but between scuba diving and birthing a child, I sometimes think Scuba wins. I mean scuba has to be less painful and not as messy, right?

7. Sleeping – Because it doesn’t happen. Unless it is at 11:00 AM on a Saturday when I need to be up being a mom.

8. Did I already say non pregnant people?

I know.... Small sacrifices for a bringing a life into this world, but see, I already have 2 kids and while they are great, they don't appreciate all I went through to get them here. They don't care I couldn't wear my cool jeans for 9 months or that I still looked pregnant for 6 months after they were born. They care about new baseball cleats and if I will give in and buy them lucky charms. Never once has Ryan came to me and thanked me for giving up red wine for 9 months nor has Reed grabbed my hand and told me I look good in maternity wear. I know they love me and they are good little kids and I am thankful each day for them, but honestly, I can't wait for March and a glass of wine while Scuba Diving in my William Rast premium denim. :)

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